Flying Monkey Report - Playoff Mission 09-01: Complete

McPhizzle wanted us to get this posted yesterday, but we had a bit of a change in plans when we arrived at the inner sanctum of Girlwithapuck.com. You see, normally, being flying monkeys and all, we’re pretty good about getting in, getting what we want and then getting out. However, McP failed to warn us about the canine that has been added to Finny’s family. We hate dogs – especially dogs that don’t fall for our “go fetch” distraction techniques. Luckily, one of us had some beef jerky in a pouch that gave us enough time to move the photo of the Quacks hoisting the cup in 2007, console one member of the squadron who went into hysterics about how it should’ve been the Senators, and crack the code to (STRIKE) steal(/STRIKE) *ahem* borrow the list Ms. Finny had been keeping safe for Randy Carlyle. P.S. Finny, You should really change the combo on that safe. 37-55-55? Ducks-Lightning-Canucks? Anyone who has half an O’Brain cell would figure those jersey numbers out... If you’re picking up what we’re putting down.

Enjoy,
The Flying Monkeys.

Intercepted Communique Labeled Top Secret.

To: Randy Carlyle
From: Christy Finn

RE: Top 10

• 10. Cup Count. Anaheim: 13 players, total of 17 Rings. San Jose: 6 players, total of 9 Rings. The Ducks have more than half their roster full of men who’ve fully experienced the bitter battle and tasted the sweetness of Victory, drinking it freely from Lord Stanley’s Cup. They know what it’s like to heft that three foot trophy into the air, claim it as their own, and spend an entire summer celebrating their conquest. They also know the pain of watching something they’ve lain claim to pass on into the hands of another, the hands of an opponent, the hands of someone else. They’ll be driven to do what they can to give them another chance at re-claiming their lost treasure. And, more importantly, they know what they need to do, what kind of sacrifice, what kind of superhuman ability will be required – not asked – of them come puck-drop. Now, it’s go time.
• 09. Quacks No Longer. Once ridiculed as a joke, the Ducks long dropped their image as diminutive quacks trying to get people to take them seriously. Instead, they’ve adopted a rep for being a bully. It’s just like that kid you poked fun at when he was smaller, fatter, slower than you… until he grows up to become a lean, mean, hefty, muscled grown teenager with a long memory and a complex from all the teasing you put him through. Then, the funny business ends and the revenge of the one-time loser begins. Same story. Anaheim went from joke to yoked in a couple of seasons, bulldozing their way to the Cup in 2007. The 2009 Ducks aren’t too different from that squad. Some of the players have changed, but not the formula. Anaheim still boasts a line-up that doesn’t fear a pair of fists from the expected (George Parros) down to the unexpected (Bobby Ryan).
• 08. The Big 8. What can I say? I love Teemu Selanne. He’s a former Shark, so there’s a little added incentive to gain the upper-hand. Nevermind that the Sharks have a couple ex-Ducks who were part of the Cup-winning team in 2007, so clearly they have some added incentive to up their game against Anaheim. Still, with Selanne entering his waning years in the league, I’m sure he’ll be pumped up to make this run a good one. If anything, he’ll definitely be a problem for the Sharks if he gets the chance to. He’s ranked 5th in the NHL with 16 PPGs.
• 07. 4-on-4. No, not the play. I’m talking about Claude Lemieux’s four Cup Rings vs. Scott Niedermayer’s four Cup Rings. Lemieux, at age 43, may not have enough gas in the tank to push him through a grinding series against the Ducks. He’s one of those guys who can elevate his game when it comes down to playoff time and can provide veteran presence for the young Sharkies, but he’s got nothing but his age to beat out Anaheim’s four-time Cup winner, Scott Niedermayer. Scotty’s got a 8 year advantage on Lemieux at the ripe, youthful age of 35, and who’s still at the top of his game, all day, everyday. Scotty’s won every single major hockey championship in his career, from the Memorial Cup, World Junior Championship gold, World Championship gold, Olympic gold, four Stanley Cups, and the World Cup of Hockey. Advantage: Niedermayer. Come to think of it, Scotty always comes with the advantage… So, advantage: Anaheim.
• 06. Double D. As in, defense. Anaheim’s got the blueline special backing them up all the way to the crease, and the line runs deep. Two Norris Trophy winners beef up the blueline in Scott Niedermayer and rough-and-tough (maybe too-tough) Chris Pronger, and the newly returned Boom-Boom specializer, Francois Beauchemin. Added into that mix is Ryan Whitney who played a big role in defending his former team, the Pittsburgh Penguins, to the Finals in ’06.
• 05. Streaky Sneaky. The Ducks fumbled through much of their season, until they pulled it together to run a hot 7-2-1 record in their last 10. The Sharks, on the flipside of things, fumbled a bit with a 5-4-1 Last-10 record. If they keep that up, they’ll end up repeating history and being shown the door by their younger, southerner siblings. If the Ducks keep up their hotness, they’ll streak right on past the Sharks, but it definitely won’t be easy.
• 04. You Score, I Score. Anaheim’s offensive talent tips heavily in the direction of the Big Boys on the Numero Uno line, yet Scott Niedermayer, Rob Niedermayer* and Chris Pronger nailed over 10 goals each, indicating that offense can come off any line and at any given time. Most of the opposition will cite the chunk of goals bearing the Perry-Ryan-Getzlaf or Selanne name to mean that if they can shut them down, they’ll lock the quarterfinal up in their favor. I wouldn’t be so sold on that argument if I was San Jose since the name of the game is Step It Up (also known as: Win or Go Golfing), I’ll guarantee some playoff heroes will emerge when others are overly-focused on the moneymakers. [*No word on how many of those goals were empty-netters. Safe to say, a lot of 'em were.]
• 03. Monster Goalie. Okay, so he’s had his crappy moments this season, still J.S. Giguere has the ability to steal some games if need be (since it's a safe bet that Jonas Hiller will get the nod before J.S. does). But he’s done it before, he can definitely do it again. In 2003, he tossed the whole of the bench on his back and heroically carried them to within one game of Cup glory. In 2006, he brought us to the WCF where we lost to the eventual Cup-winners. And in 2007, he backed us up the distance and enabled us to snatch the Cup from Ottawa. Despite his less-than-impressive season, Jiggy still has it in him… he just needs to lay it all out on the ice and get the job done. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
• 02. Chew Up Cheechoo. That’s not necessarily a real reason why Anaheim ought to win, but really, something’s got to be done about that little sniper. Anaheim’s got the manpower to do it. The question that remains is will Anaheim find a way to take Cheechoo-choo down?
• 01. SoCal > NorCal anytime, anyplace. ‘Nuff said. Bring it on, NorCal. The Ducks are hella ready.

Some interesting stuff up there. Needless to say, this will be a good series, filled with emotional, rivalry-filled games and a few choice texts and tweets swapped between McP and Finny. Yes, we’ve got plenty of beer in the fridge for game-watching. It’s a good thing, too – we’re on 24/7 patrol - Casa McP is on lockdown after the Radical Redhead herself found an intruder from GwaP hacking into her precious new laptop. Maybe Finny was up to the same tricks we were. Well played, Quack-fan, Well played.

Cutest, Fluffiest Sharks fan... a report by the flying monkeys

This is Eddie. He's 10 weeks old, loves watching the Sharks and enjoys working on his goalie moves, giving himself baths and long naps next to the Mazel Tov picture frame on the piano.

His natural goalie talent came out at a young age. From the day after McPhizzle adopted him, he'd play with his track ball, stopping it and covering it. Auntie VonHammer was one of the first to notice - and the first to ref him. He covered the ball for two long, prompting her to call him for delay of game.

Full Name: Edouard "Eddie" Vesa Thornton McPhizzle
Favorite Food: Science Diet Liver and Chicken
Favorite Drink: Water or Organic Lactose Free Milk
Favorite Toy: Trackball Scratcher or toilet paper tubes
First Word: Meow
Favorite Sharks: Jumbo Joe and JR
Favorite Goalie Style: A little butterfly, a little pad stack...
Favorite Place to sleep: McP's keyboard or face... we're working on both of those.
Favorite TV show: Sharks hockey, Private Practice
Favorite Naughty Moment: Knocking the collage frame of Agnes down on the piano.
Favorite lap to sit in: McP... Take that, McMan!

Coming out of the dark...

As the immortal Gloria Estefan, I am returning from a hiatus. The flying monkeys and I have had quite the spring. I started a new day-job... one that doesn't allow me hours upon hours for mindless searching on the intermanet and time to ponder and blog it. But it does pay really well.

People have been clamoring for my thoughts on a few things:

McP, your thoughts on the Spokane Chiefs Captain Chris Bruton drops the Memorial Cup?
Since the Ams were the last team to beat the Chiefs this year and they are the Highway 395 rivals, I do admit, I jumped up and down while watching it happen on YouTube with McMan at the lake. How embarrassing to have the whole arena booing you for a hardware malfunction! But they deserved the cup - they were determined and worked as a team throughout the playoffs.

How much did you love the touring company of RENT?
Oh holy night... For real, people, the flying monkeys had to carry me out to the car after the show. I can neither confirm nor deny that I wore my "Measure in Love" t-shirt with my character name of "Maureen" on the back. I can, however, confirm that 'Mark', 'Roger', 'Mimi' & 'Maureen' all smiled at me when I was singing at the top of my lungs during the finale. I mean... what?

What about the Red Wings winning the Stanley Cup?
The what? Who? I completely have no idea what you're talking about.
Note from the monkeys: McP is still in a bit of denial, if you couldn't tell.

How's the new Casa McP?
WONDERFUL! I've just got a few things left to get done in the guest bedroom and to get a dining table to be completely happy with everything.

Excited about the Draft?
YES! Especially the goalies... Everything is better with Chetter.

What are your plans for Canada Day?
I'm heading south to the MLM-Milton branch for a WONDERFUL afternoon/evening of NHL monopoly, fun, games, prizes and dairy-free food! YESSSS!!!!

Speaking of the Mafia, any news there?
YES! I'm very proud to say that Hammer has not only been accepted into the wonderful sisterhood of HLOG, but has also been linked frequently by some bigtime bloggers in the blogosphere! YAY for famousness!

Shouldn't you be sleeping?
yeah, considering I'm now usually AT work between 6 and 630 (yes, that's am), I will very shortly be returning to sleepytown.

Miss Washington Places 2nd Runner-up at Miss America

image credit to AP

Miss Elyse Umemoto, miss Washignton 2007 placed 2nd Runner-up to Miss America in Las Vegas tonight. She won a $20,000 scholarship on top of the $10,000 scholarship and shopping spree she won in being chosen as one of the three finalists in the Miss America; Reality Check series on TLC.

She placed higher than any other Miss Washington in Miss America's 87 year History.

The flying monkeys and I are SUPER excited for her and SO proud that we can say that she's OUR Miss Washington!

MIA McPhizzle

Ok, so the flying monkeys have pulled me out of the cave that is my new apartment and plopped me down in front of a computer.... ok, so really I'm at work and have some down time, but that's neithere here, nor there.

I'm all moved. Ma, McMan, MissRoomie and Rabbi Herschel and I did it in a weekend. I have so much CRAP! it's insane!!! oh, and my apt is handicapped-accessable, so it's laid out a bit differently than the floorplan online. whoops. Luckily all of my furniture fits, but not the way I intended it to. The closet is about 1/3 the size of what I had before, so I had to get creative - like getting rid of a CRAPTON of clothes, finding creative ways to organize things and putting all of my hoodies and hockey jerseys in with my coats into the already jam-packed coat closet. I LOVE LOVE LOVE not having to share my kitchen with anyone. and my FRIDGE! omgsh... for real, it's amazing.

Agnus Muffin Mary Pat Kate Francis McPhizzle is LOVING being able to roam free in the new place. Little does she know she'll be moving to the big city when McHannah comes to town in November. My little baby fluffball will be moving to Seattle. The Apts let me keep her for a few weeks as I am "kitteh-sitting" without the pet fee. WHich is $300. NONrefundable. OUCH. You could re-carpet my apt TWICE with that amount of money. Whatever. I am trying to get excited about having my laundry room for storage instead of her food/water/litter/scratching area instead of my heart breaking about the little love of my life not greeting me at the door whenever i come home from anywhere. Good death I love that crazy cat... even when I warn her that I'll sell her to a taco truck if she doesnt stop chewing on my laptop cord.

McMan and I are doing well. We've laughed a LOT the past couple nights. We're heading to Vegas in November. I'm excited. The people we're going with are freaking hilarious... Too bad the only thing I'll be able to afford drinking is water. lol. Maybe he wont mind if I bring some low-cut tops and bring "the girls" out to get me some free adult beverages sent to me from across the casino. *shrug* what else are they for before you have to feed kids with them? haha.

I freaking miss MissRoomie! She's ÜBER busy with all of her royal duties, but she started a new job last night where she'll only be working Monday and Tuesday nights. YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! I mean, that's cool... We spent SUnday afternoon and evening together - Grand Opening at the new Target in West and then to McMan's for the Seahawks Game in HD. Pictures document the fun we had... you can check them out on Facebook/Myspace and I might just post a little photoessay here if I feel like it. lol. No promises on when that may or may not happen.

in other news, IT'S FREAKIN HOCKEY SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ams - WOW! What a start to the season! Sure, they've pissed their last two games away with bad penalties (POKEY.... I'm lookin at you) and they've got some injuries players out due to numbers (Uncle Mitch)... but they're still an impressive 7-3 - especially with all but 1 of those being on the road. They're a-top the US division with 14 pts (Spoke nipping at their heals with 12) and have been ranked in the CHL top 10 the first two weeks of the season. Maybe the 15-game homestand will get them back on their game.

The First Born - He's in England, havng fun, playing the game. He's happy, he's more in-shape than he has been in years and that's all we could ask for, really.

Carey - OMGSH! So watching his debut game in the NHL was so strange.... We were all huddled around the TV at his old Billet's house cheering. He's still the same old Carey: cool, calm, collected and sickeningly humble. The success really couldn't be going to a better kid - and Lord knows it's not going to his head.

Sharkies - Honestly, with all of the moving and unpacking and getting ready for my spa party, etc, I've had NO time to watch them. I've got 5 games on my DVR right now on High Priority. I'll catch up someday... I heart JR. I heart Joe. I heart Tosk.... oh, that's right, i've been watching him in BLUE. grrr... still bitter? me?! NEVER!

I guess I should actually get some work done, hey? le sigh.

UPDATE:

Good grief. I was NOT expecting what I got upon arrival at the home of Ma and Pa after work.

I got a check to cover my new deposit, part of my new rent AND enough $$ to hire movers to move my piano (and probably a few of the heavier furniture items. ).

I also got the title to my car. That's right, ladies and germs, the flying monkeys had to hold me up, because I still had about 2.5 years of payments left. Being the schmaltz I am, I squirted a few tears like a little bitch. Ma's comment, "What are you crying for? You didn't win a crown!"
My reply, "This is so much better than a crown!"

So I came home, Roomie2.0 wasn't here, so I called her and let her know the news. She took it pretty well... and I also told her that her felon wasn't allowed back here - oddly enough, she didn't come home tonight - well, at least she hasn't come home yet.

I've been packing all night. I have the living room, piano/dining area, hall cabinet and most of the kitchen and laundry rooms packed. My closet is clean, so I'll just take all that over as-is... after all, it's not too terribly far away. (and right next door to my friend Tracey, who I referred to the complex and should be getting my $250 "thank you" check soon) I need to pack up my CDs, the stuff in my armoir, my stationary (that'll be a chore for sure!) and the stuff under my bed. Oh... and the rest of my bathroom... jeebus.... well, at least I have a few days to do it, right? of course right!

I'm pretty devistated about my cat. I'm just not home enough to take care of her on my own. At least with Roomie2.0 and her felon here I knew she'd get fed if she whined. Speaking of whining, she's mewing her tiny tiny little mew outside my door right now b/c I wont let her into my room to chew on the papers and books i have under my bed while I sleep. I know, I'm a horrible kittymama. Plus, I just can't handle looking at her knowing that she's not going to be mine much longer. :(

The Return of McPhizzle

First off, I'd like to thank my little pretties for updating everyone yesterday on what's going on in my life. I added them to the design of the page as a thank-you. Now, onto the good stuff!

Yesterday, Hammer had an appointment to get her car fixed at the Honda dealership up here, so when she was done, I met her for dinner at the preferred dining establishment of the Maple Leaf Mafia, Fiesta Mexican Restaurant. If any of you are ever in the Tri-Cities Metropolitan Area (*giggle*) we all highly reccomend it - Traditional Mexican Cuisine in a Family dining atmosphere with locations in Kennewick and Pasco. (No, we don't get paid, we're just preferred guests.)

Dinner was DELECTIBLE, as always, and Hammer gave me my birthday present - a limited edition mug from Timmy Hortons that had a little packet of Timmy Hortons coffee inside! YESSS!!

After we ordered Laces' to-go burritos, we crossed the street to Starbucks for some yummys - aka 2 Venti, Soy, Sugar-free Cinnamon Dolcé Lattés. So, I go through the drive through and order. The voice coming from the speaker sounded a little angsty, but whatever, right? Well, I get to the window and the girl was just a raging bitch with attitude. Just because I looked super foxy yesterday doesn't mean you need to be rude, you angsty whore.

So we get back to Casa McP and MissRoomie (as she will now be refered to) was getting ready to go to a 'football' (aka soccer) game with her dude. She brought the crown out so Hammer could see the sparkly and left, looking super cute.

Hammer and I looked around on the intermanet for a few minutes and found a place we can get our rubber stamp of the MLM logo made and contacted VonHammer for a version of the logo without the beautiful faces of the female members (the better to stamp you with, my love). Score big on that front.

Then we busted out with the Main Event: NHLopoly!
I had one of the flying monkeys keep a running log of some of the funnier moments and comments:

• Hammer ADMITTED TO CHEATING!!! That just had to be noted.
• (When it's only 2 players, they play the quick-start game, we each pick 4 properties to start with and then buy the rest as they land on them) Hammer got Pheonix (one of the purple 'streets/teams' right after you pass go) in the "lottery" and Florida (the other one) in the first couple turns. Her comment was, "With $500 I could build Arenas (hotels) on this shit right now!"
• McP ended up with some nice draws from the lottery - including Dallas and Minnesota, who just happen to be of the same monopoly (red). Hammer's comment, "That red hair is a sign that you're Satan."
• When McP bought the Pens, Hammer bitterly said, "OH yeah? Well, you're in charge of bailing Jordan out of jail now." It also should be noted that she also owned Carolina - and spent 12+ turns in Jail.... Karma or Coincedence? No one knows.
• Hammer went straight from empty lots on the purple monopoly to Arenas. "Yeah. Suck it! It's a whole $200 if you land on it."
• McP got a Get Out Of Jail Free card, "The Staals should've had one of these bad boys in their pockets!"
• McP landed on Florida. The rent was announced at $450 with the Arena built. "$450?! For FLORIDA?! Oh come. On. No one CARES about Florida. Do they even have a TEAM?!"
  Hammer's comment, "I know, that's what I thought. You must be Jokinen!"
• For a while it seemed like McP had the NHLopoly mojo.... Hammer, never being the most gracious loser said, "As long as I win in the end, I'm ok." Fair enough.
• "Oh. Awesome. You're building luxury boxes (houses) with the money I just gave you!" Protested McP after forking over a heft sum to Hammer for 'rent.'
  "What did you expect me to do?" Hammer laughed, "Just sit here and look at it?"
  McP giggled, "That would've been the polite thing to do."
  "I'll look at it.... Look at it going into the bank with little houses in return!"
• Landing on Pitsburgh with a luxury box built was a little steeper than Hammer thought it was going to be, as she begrugingly handed over the colorful scratch, she said, "Will this pay for young Jordan's bail?"
• While speaking of Vinny Lecavilier, the girls lamented over his pretty face in a tux at the NHL awards and the subject of his (as Hammer called her) hooker-of-a-woman came up. Here's the convo that followed,
  H: She's probably not REALLY a hooker.
  McP: No, she really is.
  H: Some Quebequois hooker... How do you say 'hooker' in French? Hook-aire?
• Insert the break they took to read Margee's brilliant insider-recap of the Bachelor party that concluded with handcuffs - and not the good kind - for the Staal boys. (Affectionately refered to by the MLM as Staalgate 2007) And then for some tissues for the tears that were rolling down their cheeks from copious ammounts of laughter.
• McP also needed to place her Arbonne order before 10:00pm PST so that it could be in the mails today, so that took a few minutes. She made a phonecall to the automated bank number to check her balance - after accidentally pressing a wrong button, the amount of $4,300-something was coming over the speakerphone - after almost losing her Fiesta, she realized she was listening to the amount remaining on her car loan. Oh well, jackpot shall be hit some other time.
• Reviving the Great MLM Spit-Lisp, when Hammer landed on Nashville, she said, "Schea it ischen't scho!!" Ah, the Weber....
• By far, the most landed on property of the night was Anaheim (the first magenta property after Jail). McP especially landed on it after the 4 luxury boxes and Arena was built. "$625 for a Todd Bertuzzi Booty Call?! Damn, this better be worth it."
  "Obviously it is, b/c you keep going back!"
• After the Arena was built on Phoenix, the rent went from $2 to $250. The girls figured that was the cost of the medical bills to cure the Syph one might contract from a few certain players who shall remain nameless (unless someone asks for them)
• In the end, the Godfather of NHLopoly won again.... If you play with Hammer, chances are, you're going to be sleepin with the fishes...

All-in-all, a FANTASTIC night was had at the gathering of the MLM... as it always is.

Do you know how hard it is to type with no opposable thumbs?!

This update on our dear McPhizzle is brought to you by the flying monkeys here at the Musings.

Our radical redhead has been a non-blogger the past couple weeks, so we thought we'd let you know what she's been doing.

#1) McP has a McMan. First time in a couple years that this has gone on, so she's pretty excited about it. We've met him. He's smart, funny, nice, cute, he's a huge hockey fan, he treats her like a princess and puts up with her Radical Redheaded-ness. And he's got the cutest (and smallest) cat in the world, Cika - she likes to attack McP's hair. We know the feeling, little feline!

#2) McP has left year 23 and started year 24. So far, VERY good. Then again, this year couldn't be any worse than last, that's for sure. Sister didn't make it up to visit from Vega$ b/c she flew over the handlebars of a Vespa and broke her wrist, but that's OK. McP, the McMan and his McFriends are planning a trip down there in November, so the family reunion is still going to happen... eventually. We're going to hide in her luggage and try our hand at the slots. "Big money, no whammies!!"

#3) Roomie won the pageant!!!!! She will be competing for Miss WA next July - then on to Miss America in January! (Yes, we know we're getting ahead of ourselves there, but we're confident monkeys). McP is absolutely elated for her. Actually, when they announced her as the winner, McP jumped up, screamed and started crying - much like if she had won herself. Don't let Roomie know, but when neither of them are home, we fly around Casa McP with the crown on. A monkey's gotta look good, you know? McP has also been inspired to lose a few more pounds, get back into "Physical Fitness in Swimwear" shape and run for Miss WA USA... She's got a few months til she wants to apply - we're rooting her on.

#4) The weather here has been... well, McP calls it awesome, we call it FREAKIN HOT! Highs in the upper 90's (F) and even up to 110! The McMan has a pool in his back yard and LURVES to BBQ, so McP is benefitting from the chance to be a little fishie without the screaming, splashing urchins at the pool at Casa McP and the deliciousness that is the McMan's grilling prowess. She said it's like having her very own Bobby Flay. We're just glad that he doesn't say, "Who's your daddy?!" when he's patting the hamburger patties into shape.

#5) She's a little battered and bruised right now. She and the McMan went out on the river with some of his McFriends on Sunday and whilst inner-tubing behind the boat, she was thrown off and according to the McMan, she did about 4 flips in the air before hitting the water. Her right leg is pretty bruised up... And the back of her left leg... and her right arm. But other than that and a stiff neck, she's ok - thanks to her trusty life-jacket! Boat smart, boat safe, kiddies!

That is it for now. We're sure she'll be back to her blogging self in no time at all. Less than 30 days 'til Ams Camp starts!

Our Jungle Love (oh-wee-oh-wee-oh),
The Flying Monkies