Why?

Auntie McP drank too much..... Chocolate Milk.... and was feeling a little weird and.... that's enough.

Number one - broken noses suck. Especially when there isn't a cloud in the sky and sunglasses are not an option. Apparently today should be the worst of it....

Why do I do this to myself? I think too much some times. OK, all the time.
I over-think what I'm going to wear in the morning and usually end up wearing the first thing I chose.
I over-thought a job opportunity until it was too late - the posting was gone, at least I still have my current job (which i love).
I over-thought a fear for a month - when I finally decided to face it, the piece of mind came in less than 40 seconds.

But I'm still over-thinking something that has been plaguing me... It's an easy fix. It's one question. I've asked it before. The answer wasn't what I wanted, but it turned out ok. I'm pretty sure it'll end up the same way this time.... AND there I go over-thinking it again.

I'm really impatient and at the same time..... a complete chicken shit.

McP on the mend

Well, it's day 9 and I'm on the way to feeling like my chipper, sunshiney self a little more every day. I'm sleeping through the night, the smell of food doesn't make me want to vomit and I haven't cried since Wednesday. In a week or so I might be able to hold up to my end of the bargain with HM (formerly known as McMan) that I'll call him (we're remaining friends once I can handle it).

Eddie is still sniffing around the spot on the couch left empty by HM and freaks out when I play "For Good" from Wicked (the song I played before he got to the house to drop the bomb). BUT! He's made the transition from kitten food to big kitty food.

SO! This summer is for McP. I'm auditioning for a musical this week, I'm finally recording an album and I'm committed to getting healthy - mostly so my boobs get smaller *crosses fingers* and my back doesn't hurt as much. Also, I'll be helping out with Ma and her treatments.

I have an amazing support system of friends and family. They have made the past week of my life filled with love, laughter and wonderful "dates". I love you all.

Have I mentioned I hate tumors?

For the past few years, a dear friend of mine has been dealing with tumors in her brain.

Last May, Fred reared his ugly head and ruined my June and July because my McMan was in pain

This May it's my Ma. After showing me the scar on her breast, she asked me what we could do to salvage her retirement job as a pole dancer.

Happily I can report the brain tumor is dead, Fred is dead and hopefully, in a few weeks, my mom's cancer will be gone.

Great time for my favorite Dr. Izzy Stevens to have tumors and start seeing Denny/Papa Winchester again. Hits a little too close to home, and I'm really wishing I hadn't eaten all of my girl scout samoas because those and a big glass of milk would make me feel better right now.

So, tumors? Fuck off. Fuck right off.

Godspeed, Little Man

Three-year-old succumbed to cancer two hours after his favourite team won


Mike said they'd get the cup for you. Put in a good word with the Big Guy for them, ok? Who am I kidding, you so already have.
Have fun in Heaven, Little Man.

Why am I having such a hard time with this? Children die every day, which is devistating, I'm not trying to say it's not... I deal with death on a daily basis. It's my business... and before that, when I was helping bring life into the world, I still had to deal with it. It's a part of life. I'm not afraid of it, I know the little guy is in Heaven now and not in pain anymore.

The sadness of the death of a child is someting that touches quite close to home. People would think my parents were nutty if I said that I was one of 14 children. Explaining that I'm one of 10 biological children with one adopted brother, one step-brother and one half-sister is still a lot of kids... until I explain that I'm the only one of the 10 biological children to survive.

Maybe it's that I'm sad he'll never get to grow up. But he did make an impact on Ottawa and the hockey world. I wonder a lot what my siblings would've been like, how our lives would've been different, if I'd even be here - after all my twin and I were numbers 4&5, I believe. Or if the world would've been able to handle two of me.

At least I have comfort in the knowledge that everything happens for a reason.