little thoughts, big revelations...

I was sitting on the floor of my house folding laundry and watching Conan when it hit me - I am so incredibly blessed to have the life that I've been dreaming about for years. [sidebar - the commercial for "Shake Weight" just came on... giggles! is it bad that i want one?]

I have a WONDERFUL partner. He is absolutely everything I've always looked for in a man, but I never thought I'd actually find. Every day I am blown away that he loves me and that he is willing to accept everything about me, positive traits, faults and issues. Every day I am thankful for that. Every day I try to be the best partner that I can be to him for us.

We have a beautiful home filled with laughter, animals, prayer and music. Eddie and Minnie are getting along quite well - Max is a little too excited about having a kitty in the house to be friends with Eddie quite yet, but it will get there. All of the boxes are close to being unpacked and most things have found their new home. I am in a new community and forming new friendships and relationships with great people here. I am finally able to start looking for a job here - but even that, he wants me to be happy, not just take a job I'm good at, but one that I will like. I've never had support like that before.

Living with someone who isn't just a roommate has been a bit of an adjustment. Luckily there is a spare room where all of my girly stuff can go - Sparkle Room 2.0, as it were. I'm constantly catching myself being careful walking on the floor or worried about neighbors below - I guess that's to be expected after living in apartments for most of my life. Sometimes I even freak out about the surround sound being up too loud when we play RockBand to the wee hours of the morning. Hopefully, I wont have to live in an apartment until Kim, Kristin, Molly and I move into our Raisin Ranch in Florida.

I met his sister, brother-in-law and nephew yesterday. I don't know why I was so nervous about it, they were all just as wonderful as his parents are. And his nephew - that little nugget had me giggling all afternoon! I am excited for him to meet my little brother and his wife tomorrow night, and for my parents to spend some more time with us. I know it's been hard for my mom, me moving away. It hasn't been extremely easy for me either, I miss all of my friends and family in TRI a lot - especially my lil sis and her nuggets, but I really couldn't be happier with my life right now.

AND with being a domestic goddess (and on his night-shift schedule) I must now away to the kitchen and clean up while the latest load of laundry finishes. :)

Driving up to the Security Check-Point this morning, the reader board flashed, “September 1, 2009.” Wow. It really is astounding how fast this summer has come to an end.

Someone asked me the other night at hockey what I’d been up to all summer. Of course, the only thing I really did do most of the summer was “Godspell.” As I told everyone at the cast party, that show and the friends I made were a Godsend.

Thinking back on the whole experience, I can’t imagine anything going more perfectly.

Number one, how in the WORLD did I forget that I am a Theatre Person? Being surrounded by people who are like-minded in political beliefs, taste in the arts and with SO much talent, it’s hard to believe I’ve lived the past few years without people walking into my apartment, sitting down and starting to play random things on the piano – things that they’ve written, Beatles songs or Showtunes we all sing along with, or just random sounds. People singing Happy Birthday in 3-part-harmony (in tune!), suggesting new Indie artists I may like and accepting people no matter what their differences may be has awakened a part of my heart that I had forgotten about.

Number two, with the events taking place right before (and during) the show, I could have gone into a tailspin, but knowing I had a cast and crew depending on me kept me going.

Number 3, the amount of talent in our cast was astonishing. Every night people were asking if we were touring from New York or LA. There was one little lady from Yonkers who found it VERY hard to believe I hadn’t grown up around there as well. (I guess my “Abraham” was convincing.)

Number four, the whole cast was perfectly selected for their individual roles and brought something special and unique to the experience for cast, crew and audience. There were a few people, however, who I felt a special connection with.

Let’s start with Ellicia, our director-extraordinaire, one of my best friends and someone who has ALWAYS been there for me, no matter what, for all of the 11 years I’ve known her. Whenever I get down on myself, my life, my love-life, I can look at her and see that she has overcome these same obstacles in her life and ended up with a wonderful partner, a job she is passionate about, a beautiful home and two wonderful kittehs. While she’s really not that much older than I am, I do want to be her when I grow up.

Sue Schick… What a magnificent woman! Our Producer and my confidant, always exactly where I needed her with the exact words I needed to hear… Or even just a hug. SUCH a blessing. And Miss Emily… such a sweet, sweet soul.

I made fast friends with Anna at auditions, commenting on how Melissa was so adorable that I wanted to shrink her and carry her around in my pocket everywhere. Melissa and I still laugh about that being the first thing I ever said to her and how she wasn’t sure if I was talking to her or not. Anna’s dry wit and level head kept me sane during some tense rehearsals. Miss Banana Blueberry and I didn’t need many words to tell each other how we were feeling about certain situations – somehow we just understand each other. Thank you for accepting the roll that we are both usually type-cast in so I could try something different. ;)

Speaking of Melissa, I do believe she is my long-lost very-much younger, taller, skinnier and Jewish twin. Her style and heart are equally spectacular to me. She genuinely cares about people, their feelings and well-being. Like most, if not all, of the cast, wise and mature beyond her years. My favorite thing about her is when she is excited about something, her face lights up like a menorah on the eighth night of Hanukkah. (“YAY HANUKKAH!”)

Then there’s Scott. What can be said about him other than he is the “Jack” to my “Grace”? My court jester when I’m about to crack. I can’t count how many times he listened to me vent, told me to do something with my hair and knew exactly what my facial expression meant from across the stage. When I need a little pick-me-up, I watch this on my phone. There’s no one I would’ve rather looked at for the “frozen” monologues of “By My Side.”

Lauren (aka Lolo). How I wish we would’ve bonded earlier in the rehearsal process! Sitting at Shari’s Restaurant trying to help silence the 8 other (LOUD) people at the table, she turned to me and said, “We are the only adults here.” It was true, and it began. I thank the “Super Chill” (Albertson’s generic brand of soda - 10 for $10) and “puppy chow” for cementing the friendship in silliness and practicality. Her free spirit and love of all things… well, that I love, makes me feel as though I’m not so alone in the world in my desires. I’m so much looking forward to October 26, when we will be seeing MIKA in Seattle! (MIKA!!!! SQUEEE!!!!) Whenever we hang out, no matter how mellow the situation or how sick one of us might be, there are always good times had. No one in Tri has been more supportive of my new choices in life and direction I want it to go into. I am so jealous she is moving to Seattle. My tweet from last week, “Alas, the economy keeps me stationary,” rings in my head when I think of how wonderful it would be to pick up and move at the same time so we could share in the adventure of being the new girls in the City.

Yes, I’ve saved my IndyAndy Jones for last. When we started the rehearsal process, we joked around a few times, but I was still stuck in the mind-set that all young, good-looking guys were inevitably jerks and wouldn’t want to hang out with me or be my friend. Wrong. WAY wrong. After he laughed at me for almost blowing a gasket during a particularly aggravating rehearsal and hanging out at DQ, he has been one of the people I talk to the most about the widest range of topics. Without going into much sappy detail, I have never been complimented so highly with such a frequency as I have from Andy. Without any kind of expectation of anything but friendship - after being with him, I leave with the affirmation that someone (besides family members) believes I am a beautiful, intelligent, humorous woman with much to offer the world. The first thing he said to me after walking into Starbucks last night was, “You have a halo of beauty and grace!” What woman in their right mind wouldn’t love to hear that from someone you know isn’t trying to get into your pants?

Being in this show about love, life and community and surrounding myself with these wonderful individuals, my passion for life has been renewed. Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness, Live and Let live. Those are things all people should have in their lives. It’s my new goal in life to help whoever I can have those things by what ever means I can. When people look at me, I hope they see compassion, tolerance, grace and friendship. The only person I can control is me and I am the one who decides whether or not to have a good out-look on life.

So, there it is; the new me. I don’t know where this will lead me. And where that normally would scare the living snot out of me, I am now incredibly excited to see where my life goes.

I’m leaving you with a quote from one of my characters in ‘Godspell’,

“In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it.” - Marianne Williamson

Maybe it's the heat...

Or the paint fumes?

After painting my bakers rack with my dad outside in 95 degree heat, maybe I'm hallucinating. Maybe I just wish I was. I'm pretty sure it's the second.

Somehow I knew - I think that's why I never asked. Optimism is one of my strong-suits, but also a downfall at times. Then again, maybe it means nothing (there I go, being all delusional and hopeful again). I guess time will tell, but I think maybe I should give up on this one... it has, after all, been how many years?

I'm a magnet for unavailable men - either literally, emotionally or both. And, as I've said before, I'm a chicken shit.

Maybe September will be different. Probably not. I want to move to the next level in my life. I think I'm ready for that, but obviously someone else doesn't. *looks up* le sigh.

A lesson learned years ago is something I'm trying to remind myself of and strive for: "Patience is a virtue to be practiced in our homes and daily lives, and we must strive to set examples for our companions."

Hope and Inspiration

Ellicia and Geoff - my beloved friend and her beloved husband. A local and tangible example to me that while the hardships in your life may shape you, they don't define you and that good things happen to good people.

While watching "Jim McKay: My World in My Words" on HBO just now, hearing him talk about the 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team beating the Russians and the 1972 Munich games and the tragedy of the Israeli athletes, I was awestruck. To have not only lived through those moments, but being the person sharing that news with the world? Amazing and heavy. My favorite moment of the show wasn't seeing the US team pour onto the ice, but was what he said about his wife's smile,

"Our marriage has certainly been an unusual one, but from the beginning , quite frankly, our love for one another has only grown stronger. Now that I don't travel, we talk from early morning until bedtime about many little ordinary but important things. Her specialties are our kids and grandchildren. Mine are politics, liberal-democratic, and sports. And still she listens. And her smile. That incredible smile is still a thing of wonder to me."

That's what I want someday. Someone, when looking back at our life together, has that one thing about me that they still think of as a thing of wonder.

Dear 8 lb 6 oz Baby Jesus, Please give us beautiful babies!

HOLY HOTNESS, BATMAN!

+ = ♥?

Doing my daily reading of PerezHilton.com, I came across the little tidbit that my girlfriend2.0 (Carrie Underwear - close second to my Xtina) and my HusbandMikeFisher are allegedly a couple. If this is true, Never before has there been a celebrity/hockeyplayer relationship I have endorsed more or as whole-heartedly! And if it's not... Well, It should be!

People who know me know how much I love and respect Mike Fisher for not holding back his beliefs and his giving back to the community that's given him so much. They also know that I feel a kinship with the American Idol winner (and former Miss America Organization Contestant) - not to mention, I want to have her babies... wait, that's not right... but it's true - i could look at her for days - and listen to her sing longer.)

I'm sending the flying monkeys to check on this...

Thoughts on the day...

Working where I do (funeral home - office only, no bodies for this girl.) you see a lot of different people. As Finny said yesterday, "everybody's gotta go sometime" and it's true. Doesn't matter what your social standing is, who you are, what your job, class, creed, religion, it's going to happen.

So as I'm sitting here, watching people come in to the service this morning, it's running through my mind how equal we really all are. I admit that I'm a little bit elitist, even though in a town like the one I live in, there isn't really an "elite". I'm snarky. I try to look for the best in people, but words like "Overstuffed burrito" have come out of my mouth when someone wears a skin-tight outfit. (Not saying I'm skinny or the picture of health, but hey, i buy clothes that fit me - not that it really excuses the remark at all)

At times like weddings, funerals, birthday parties... we're all the same. Sure, the way we celebrate each occasion changes from culture to culture, family to family, but it boils down to human emotion. We all have it. Some of us don't show it as much as others, some show it in horrible ways and some in good, but deep down, it's there.

funny.... as I finished that sentence, the whole assembly at the funeral laughed at a photo in the slideshow DVD.

Even if I make snarky comments about hair or clothes, or supress odd looks, I know that deep down, under everything, we're all people, and as I believe, made in God's image. All that said, I love people.

Remind me of that next time I'm driving and talking to you on my bluetooth talking about how I hate all people, especially stupid drivers who obviously are high on meth :) (even though they probably are)

Christmas Miracle

In the midst of one family's tragedy this Holiday Season, I witnessed their Christmas Miracle this morning.

Michael Blackketter, 9, of West Richland, WA passed away on Monday after a long and brave battle with cancer. He was a hockey and baseball fan and when they thought he was finally in remisson, his Make-a-Wish that was granted in September was a trip to Disney World, where he spent hours in the swimming pool. When he started feeling sick again, the doctors discovered that the cancer had come back and had taken over his brain, liver, pancreas and bones.

One of the hardest things I've had to do in my career so far was to help a mother pick out a casket for her son who had not yet reached his tenth birthday.

I was standing outside with one of the owners of our small corporation, discussing what kind of signage he was thinking about putting up in front of my building when an older woman pulled into the parking lot. "Can I help you?" I asked with a laugh, opening the door, "Well, besides getting you inside from the cold?"
With a sweet smile, she said, "I Certainly hope so."

She went on to ask if I was handling the case for little Matthew. I told her that one of our other locations was actually handling the case, but asked her if I could help her with anything. She then said the most heartwarming thing I've ever heard, "I'd like to anonymously pay for his funeral expenses."

I called the other location, got the total for the funeral, and when she saw how "small" the amount was, she asked if I could get the cemetery expenses for her as well. I handed them to her on the back of a business card and she returned a short time later with a cashier's check for the full amount, plus $500.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a warmed heart.