Paternity...

Paternity is a foul word in the locker room of any sport, but today, ladies and germs, (much like every day) I'm talking about hockey. It has been scientifically proven that hockey players make the best lovers due to their conditioning and the core strength it takes to play the sport on skates. As we all know, most hockey players take full advantage of the vagina that is being thrown at them from every direction - and really? Who can blame them - well, the young, unmarried players, at least...

I remember a couple times being at the dinner table with my brother and his teammates and saying that puckbunnyX was pregnant - someone's eyes would resemble that of a deer in headlights until I soothed their fear by saying, "No, it's her boyfriend's." Their reaction is perfectly justified. In my town alone we have at least 4 children of pro-hockey players that were concieved while those men were playing juniors (note: that figure doesn't include the 2 NHLers that live here in the off-season with their families).

That all being said, I've had some questions about my reference in my Game 2 entry, where Ma McP and I both referenced my dad. I guess I should give a brief explaination. (WARNING: Daddy issues ahead)

Half of my DNA has never really been a part of my life. Ma McP and I left him when I was a wee tot b/c of substance abuse problems and heck, if she could support the 3 of us, she could sure as shootin' support 2. Both mine and Sister's mom remarried and we have great Step-dads...

So as we (Sister and I) were watching the 2004 All-Star game, we realized that Marky-Mark Messier was old enough to be our father. We also realized that if our dad wasn't going to sack up and be part of our lives, we might as well claim someone that we actually liked and had a REASON to be across the country. Therefore, from that moment on, we claimed Mr. Mark Messier as our (fake)father.

Both of our moms are ok with it, since they don't like our real dad, anyway. I'm sure Mark would be pretty creeped out - as I'm sure anyone who didn't have a sense of humor would be as they read this. However, if you're reading this, Mr. Messier, it really is meant as an honour to you and a HUGE family joke. A father is someone who you can admire and look up to, laugh at their lame jokes and listen to the stories of when he was young and learn from their mistakes. Since we don't have one like that, we take those things from you. Oh, and don't worry, we're both intellegent, beautiful, young women with educations and jobs.

Game 2 Running Blog

This whole 8pm EST start time is not making this West Coast 9-5'er a very happy girl. Luckily I had Sherry's liveblog to help me get my Sens mojo going before I left the office.

Laughed with Mo on the phone while I cooked dinner went through the drive-thru and drove home. I decided not to start blogging until after I finished my low cal meal.

1:53 OH. MY. GAH. Michael. Fisher. Normally I'm against retalitory penalties, but Ho.Ly. I need to move along...

1:28 Text message recieved from Momma McPhizzle, "Your husband is such a Brute! And so cute when he's mad!"

5:58pm Chris Simpson interviewing Teemu Lightyear. I don't like him with the beard. He should shave it. Because I said so.

6:01pm Text #2 from Ma McP, "Your dad is looking good tonite. Hot is the word, I think!" HA! Well, Ma, now we know how I got here.

6:03pm Dad picks Chris Chelios as his Leader of the year. Good call. He's like a freakin timex... Still tickin.

6:11pm They keep showing Mike's tantrum. I do believe McPhizzle will have to put him to bed when he gets home. ("So THAT'S what the kids are calling it these days.")

10:00 Why aren't people speaking up more about the goaltending in this series? Half-way through the 2nd and they're still tied at 0-0

6:30pm "Wyann Smyff!" He's wearing blue.... Maybe foreshadowing of him re-signing with the Isles? Please?

7:05 Is it wrong that I love watching Emery flop like a fish? Or that I REALLY wish Priessing was still a Shark?

6:18 "Neidermeyer to Neidermeyer" teehee... all i can think of is Knob Hockey.

2:40 Finally back to watching the game after Roomie (who is hopped up on diet pills) called and yapped about her office drama for a good 5 minutes.

0:44.2 the orange Home Depot Power Play flag is REALLY distracting. Why didn't they just make it sparkly?

0:24 Traps McDonald with the hook. He kind of looks like the Dbag I've been playing hard-to-get with over the past year. That makes me like him even less.

6:52pm Papa Clement says he'd give the first star to Emery. FINALLY! THANK YOU!

6:58pm If I hear this Absolut Vodka ad (the one with the muther effing pillow fight riot) one more time, I'm going to beat my TV with a wine and cheese baguette.

6:59pm Welcome to the States - we give more face-time to SnoopDog in a Ducks sweater than the actual game. Apparently Hockey is a G-thing. Makes me thirsty for some Gin and Juice.

18:07 I'm sitting on my bed and yelling "GO GO GO GO!!!" like I'm on the US Women's Olympic Curling team when Roomie walks in. She feels the need to over-exagerate my Minnesota-tinted accent. I tend to love her.

16:37 I. Love. My. Goalie. Ray mudder flinking Emery.

14:34 OH fisticuffs. (Margee's beloved) Heatley and Pahlsson chipping at eachother as they're both trying to leave the ice, a pileup on the boards. I love hockey.

5:44 (Margee's beloved) Heatley turns the puck over and Pahlsson scores. McPhizzle yells, "EXPLITIVE!" and Roomie quietly leaves the room in fear.

3:01 I'm standing next to my bed making incoherant loud noises every time the sens get the puck near Giguere. I'm sure the downstairs neighbors of Casa De McPhizzle are wondering what kind of sexual exploits are going on.

00:00 It's time to clean the bedroom and pop some food in the crock pot while Roomie and I go on our nightly hike around the sub-division. Hopefully I'll be sound asleep by the time (my husband) Mike Fisher gets home. Something tells me he's not going to be in his normal love of a self.