Warning! Funniness ahead!

My bestie Chris is my #1 guy on the myspace (and the reason i can say, "It's OK, I'm with the band.). I filled out a bulletin/survey that you will read below... following that is the hilariosity that followed:

1) Who is he?
Chris... one of my besties and former neighbor before he and his pigeon-filled BBQ moved to a land far far away. (a whole 10 minutes instead of 10 seconds)

2) Do you trust him?
More than most people I know put together

3) When’s the last time you talked to him?
Saturday while I was at Targét

4) Does he have a girlfriend?
Negatory, Ghost rider, the pattern is full.

5) Is he one of your friends?
Um, Duh?

6) Where does he live?
the Land of Rich

7) Is he older than you?
Oui

8) Are you related to him?
Nope

9) Would you do anything for him?
I would... well, short of stabbing myself in the eye with a searing hot french-fry. We'll leave that to the crazy squirrels.

10) Do you have a nickname for him?
He's listed as "Stewart" in my phone... everyone calls him Blinky, but I usually just call him Chris... Oh! Or Rabbi Herschel.

11) How long have you known him?
about 2 years now

12) Do you think he will repost this?
Most likely not, but he might read it?

He repsonded in an email to me:

12) Do you think he will repost this?
Most likely not, but he might read it? You are correct! haha. I only post bulletins when they promote shows that I'm playing... we all know that I'm egotistical like that, haha.

So I'm not hip enough to repost this, but I will email it back to you:

1) Who is she?
Merrick McP-Dizzle

2) When’s the last time you talked to her?
Earlier today

3) Do you know her middle name?
I'm going to take a guess at this one and say Zambindosiaplasopheria

4) Does she have a boyfriend?
Hmmmmm.... I think that her and Mike made it official but I've honestly never gotten the official press release on the subject.

5) Is she one of your friends?
Friends is a word that's tossed around so lightly these days. Let's just say she's my favorite daughter of Israel ;)

6) where does she live?
In reality: Washington
In her dreams: Anywheresville Canada

7) Is she older than you?
No way. I think she's 19... maybe 20... ;)

8) Would you do anything for her?
I would not stab myself in the eye with a searing hot french fry, but other than that.... yeah, pretty much.

9) Do you have a nickname for her?
Mer Dawg, Mo McPhizzle, MC McPherson,

10) How long have you known her?
approximately as long as its been since the first time I met her.

11) Do you think she will repost this?
Not a second time... or will she... I shall ponder this in greater detail on the toilet.... or I'll read Maxim.... I haven't decided yet... only time will tell.

After exchanging a couple emails about his current g/f sitch (or lack-there-of) I replied with:

There's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully she feels the same way... and if she doesn't? (well, we both know how much i think of you - you're my rabbi, for moses' sake!) it's her loss... yours too, b/c she's a great girl, but if she can't be with you right now, for whatever reason, she's the one making the decision to give up - not you.

Either way, Chin-up Herschel, you've given this your best shot and put your best yarmulke forward. If she decides to let you go, there are a lot of shiksa's in the sea, my friend.

Ok, so here's the funny part:

Well, I’m glad you think it was the right move. Your use of Yiddish in our emails is quite entertaining by the way. Let’s see if I can get this right:

Rabbi: The guy in charge of saying things like “Oy” and “What are you talking about, $3.95?! for split pea soup?”

Moses: The guy in charge of saying things like “I’m schvitzing like a mohel over here!” and inspiring Mel Brooks comedic genius.

Shvitzing: Sweating

Mohel: The guy who nips the tip!

Herschel: Yiddish translation for Christopher

Shiksa: Yiddish translation for “Perks of being in a band”

My tearful response to him:

Today, my son, You become a man!

I get back:

So what type of mitzvah would this be? Bar or bots?

and finally:

Bar is when you become a man... Bat is when you become a woman... Bots can be when you become Optimus Prime

Oh good death... THAT was a good laugh...