Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Return of McPhizzle

First off, I'd like to thank my little pretties for updating everyone yesterday on what's going on in my life. I added them to the design of the page as a thank-you. Now, onto the good stuff!

Yesterday, Hammer had an appointment to get her car fixed at the Honda dealership up here, so when she was done, I met her for dinner at the preferred dining establishment of the Maple Leaf Mafia, Fiesta Mexican Restaurant. If any of you are ever in the Tri-Cities Metropolitan Area (*giggle*) we all highly reccomend it - Traditional Mexican Cuisine in a Family dining atmosphere with locations in Kennewick and Pasco. (No, we don't get paid, we're just preferred guests.)

Dinner was DELECTIBLE, as always, and Hammer gave me my birthday present - a limited edition mug from Timmy Hortons that had a little packet of Timmy Hortons coffee inside! YESSS!!

After we ordered Laces' to-go burritos, we crossed the street to Starbucks for some yummys - aka 2 Venti, Soy, Sugar-free Cinnamon Dolcé Lattés. So, I go through the drive through and order. The voice coming from the speaker sounded a little angsty, but whatever, right? Well, I get to the window and the girl was just a raging bitch with attitude. Just because I looked super foxy yesterday doesn't mean you need to be rude, you angsty whore.

So we get back to Casa McP and MissRoomie (as she will now be refered to) was getting ready to go to a 'football' (aka soccer) game with her dude. She brought the crown out so Hammer could see the sparkly and left, looking super cute.

Hammer and I looked around on the intermanet for a few minutes and found a place we can get our rubber stamp of the MLM logo made and contacted VonHammer for a version of the logo without the beautiful faces of the female members (the better to stamp you with, my love). Score big on that front.

Then we busted out with the Main Event: NHLopoly!
I had one of the flying monkeys keep a running log of some of the funnier moments and comments:
  • Hammer ADMITTED TO CHEATING!!! That just had to be noted.
  • (When it's only 2 players, they play the quick-start game, we each pick 4 properties to start with and then buy the rest as they land on them) Hammer got Pheonix (one of the purple 'streets/teams' right after you pass go) in the "lottery" and Florida (the other one) in the first couple turns. Her comment was, "With $500 I could build Arenas (hotels) on this shit right now!"
  • McP ended up with some nice draws from the lottery - including Dallas and Minnesota, who just happen to be of the same monopoly (red). Hammer's comment, "That red hair is a sign that you're Satan."
  • When McP bought the Pens, Hammer bitterly said, "OH yeah? Well, you're in charge of bailing Jordan out of jail now." It also should be noted that she also owned Carolina - and spent 12+ turns in Jail.... Karma or Coincedence? No one knows.
  • Hammer went straight from empty lots on the purple monopoly to Arenas. "Yeah. Suck it! It's a whole $200 if you land on it."
  • McP got a Get Out Of Jail Free card, "The Staals should've had one of these bad boys in their pockets!"
  • McP landed on Florida. The rent was announced at $450 with the Arena built. "$450?! For FLORIDA?! Oh come. On. No one CARES about Florida. Do they even have a TEAM?!"
    Hammer's comment, "I know, that's what I thought. You must be Jokinen!"
  • For a while it seemed like McP had the NHLopoly mojo.... Hammer, never being the most gracious loser said, "As long as I win in the end, I'm ok." Fair enough.
  • "Oh. Awesome. You're building luxury boxes (houses) with the money I just gave you!" Protested McP after forking over a heft sum to Hammer for 'rent.'
    "What did you expect me to do?" Hammer laughed, "Just sit here and look at it?"
    McP giggled, "That would've been the polite thing to do."
    "I'll look at it.... Look at it going into the bank with little houses in return!"
  • Landing on Pitsburgh with a luxury box built was a little steeper than Hammer thought it was going to be, as she begrugingly handed over the colorful scratch, she said, "Will this pay for young Jordan's bail?"
  • While speaking of Vinny Lecavilier, the girls lamented over his pretty face in a tux at the NHL awards and the subject of his (as Hammer called her) hooker-of-a-woman came up. Here's the convo that followed,
    H: She's probably not REALLY a hooker.
    McP: No, she really is.
    H: Some Quebequois hooker... How do you say 'hooker' in French? Hook-aire?
  • Insert the break they took to read Margee's brilliant insider-recap of the Bachelor party that concluded with handcuffs - and not the good kind - for the Staal boys. (Affectionately refered to by the MLM as Staalgate 2007) And then for some tissues for the tears that were rolling down their cheeks from copious ammounts of laughter.
  • McP also needed to place her Arbonne order before 10:00pm PST so that it could be in the mails today, so that took a few minutes. She made a phonecall to the automated bank number to check her balance - after accidentally pressing a wrong button, the amount of $4,300-something was coming over the speakerphone - after almost losing her Fiesta, she realized she was listening to the amount remaining on her car loan. Oh well, jackpot shall be hit some other time.
  • Reviving the Great MLM Spit-Lisp, when Hammer landed on Nashville, she said, "Schea it ischen't scho!!" Ah, the Weber....
  • By far, the most landed on property of the night was Anaheim (the first magenta property after Jail). McP especially landed on it after the 4 luxury boxes and Arena was built. "$625 for a Todd Bertuzzi Booty Call?! Damn, this better be worth it."
    "Obviously it is, b/c you keep going back!"
  • After the Arena was built on Phoenix, the rent went from $2 to $250. The girls figured that was the cost of the medical bills to cure the Syph one might contract from a few certain players who shall remain nameless (unless someone asks for them)
  • In the end, the Godfather of NHLopoly won again.... If you play with Hammer, chances are, you're going to be sleepin with the fishes...

All-in-all, a FANTASTIC night was had at the gathering of the MLM... as it always is.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Do you know how hard it is to type with no opposable thumbs?!

This update on our dear McPhizzle is brought to you by the flying monkeys here at the Musings.

Our radical redhead has been a non-blogger the past couple weeks, so we thought we'd let you know what she's been doing.

#1) McP has a McMan. First time in a couple years that this has gone on, so she's pretty excited about it. We've met him. He's smart, funny, nice, cute, he's a huge hockey fan, he treats her like a princess and puts up with her Radical Redheaded-ness. And he's got the cutest (and smallest) cat in the world, Cika - she likes to attack McP's hair. We know the feeling, little feline!

#2) McP has left year 23 and started year 24. So far, VERY good. Then again, this year couldn't be any worse than last, that's for sure. Sister didn't make it up to visit from Vega$ b/c she flew over the handlebars of a Vespa and broke her wrist, but that's OK. McP, the McMan and his McFriends are planning a trip down there in November, so the family reunion is still going to happen... eventually. We're going to hide in her luggage and try our hand at the slots. "Big money, no whammies!!"

#3) Roomie won the pageant!!!!! She will be competing for Miss WA next July - then on to Miss America in January! (Yes, we know we're getting ahead of ourselves there, but we're confident monkeys). McP is absolutely elated for her. Actually, when they announced her as the winner, McP jumped up, screamed and started crying - much like if she had won herself. Don't let Roomie know, but when neither of them are home, we fly around Casa McP with the crown on. A monkey's gotta look good, you know? McP has also been inspired to lose a few more pounds, get back into "Physical Fitness in Swimwear" shape and run for Miss WA USA... She's got a few months til she wants to apply - we're rooting her on.

#4) The weather here has been... well, McP calls it awesome, we call it FREAKIN HOT! Highs in the upper 90's (F) and even up to 110! The McMan has a pool in his back yard and LURVES to BBQ, so McP is benefitting from the chance to be a little fishie without the screaming, splashing urchins at the pool at Casa McP and the deliciousness that is the McMan's grilling prowess. She said it's like having her very own Bobby Flay. We're just glad that he doesn't say, "Who's your daddy?!" when he's patting the hamburger patties into shape.

#5) She's a little battered and bruised right now. She and the McMan went out on the river with some of his McFriends on Sunday and whilst inner-tubing behind the boat, she was thrown off and according to the McMan, she did about 4 flips in the air before hitting the water. Her right leg is pretty bruised up... And the back of her left leg... and her right arm. But other than that and a stiff neck, she's ok - thanks to her trusty life-jacket! Boat smart, boat safe, kiddies!

That is it for now. We're sure she'll be back to her blogging self in no time at all. Less than 30 days 'til Ams Camp starts!

Our Jungle Love (oh-wee-oh-wee-oh),
The Flying Monkies

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Oh no you di-in't!

Watching this directly after lunch is not a good thing if your tummy is full - it may or may not have brought McPhizzle to the point of almost vomiting from laughing so hard. Luckily, the flying monkies showed her the logo of the Edmonton OilKings to bring her back down.

This video is entitled "Message for Bob"

I'm not sure, but I think it might have something to do with the cutest Edmonton OilKing in the VERLD. The little gnome is onto something ;o)

Monday, July 9, 2007

"A Whole New Teeeeaaaammmmm!"

Imagine me singing that on the flying carpet ride at WDW....

In all seriousness, though, TraderBob has pulled another trick out of his bag-o-trades and traded Chris Inglis (aka "Heeead!") to the Lethrbidge Hurricanes for a 17 y/o Defenseman. (article)

New kid is big - 6'2" 205#... He'll be reporting to training camp in August.

We'll miss you and your huge noggin, Christopher! (and your mom and dad, they're a kick in the pants!)


After a rather angry email was recieved by the flying monkeys at the Musings, let me clarify some things:

1) This blog is filled with my personal opinions. in America, we can do that... freedom of speech is a WONDERFUL thing. I don't apologize for things I write here because I write what I feel and after years and years of holding things in, I'm done. I have to get it out or I get physically and mentally sick. If you don't like it, don't read it. I wont be offended, I promise.

2) Juraj "Big Guy" Valach was a great kid. I stuck up for him all season to people and fans who didn't think he was playing as well as he could, which he wasn't - he even said it multiple times. I stood behind that kid 100% and you can ask anyone about that. I was definitely his #3 fan in Tri (ma and pa being #'s 1 & 2). My mom and dad cared a lot for him and were very hurt by his words and decision not to come back to Tri. Being hurt and angry and not agreeing with his tactics doesn't mean we hate him or don't wish him well in the future... He's just got a lot of growing up to do, still.

3) I am a Christian by choice and practice, but Jewish by birth. That will never change. All my life I've grown up knowing the horrors of the haulocaust and what hatred and ugliness the Nazis stood for. A swastika isn't something I find humourous. I don't find ANY jokes about any of those things funny. I don't care if they're by stupid teenage boys who don't know any better or real Neo-Nazis.... Millions of people died for being who they were. If I had lived in Europe at that time, I probably would've been one of them, MAYBE one of the lucky ones who got out alive. Sure it's an emotional button that doesn't get pushed on everyone, but maybe it should be.

I'm stepping off of my soap box now.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

It's a Hot Day, Charlie Brown

Good grief. I was gonna update on the 4th (since i spent it at 2 different shindigs with 2 different hockey families), but it's flipping 108* outside.


I walked outside to turn the sprinklers on and it felt like I had opened the oven to check and see if the cookies were burnt.

Only 30 min until I blow this popsicle stand and grab my bikini on the way to Mike's to spend the evening in his pool. Oh, cold, chlorine-y goodness, I hear you calling my name. I'll be there soon.... And speaking of popsicles, i hope Mike has a grape one left... YUM.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


(x-posted to Maple Leaf Mafia)

This Lactose-free Canada Day is brought to you in honour of Matty Swaby.

July 1st... The day Canada celebrates their Independance! YAY!

Headed to M.F. for a day of celebrating the Homeland. Hammer had maple cookies ready and a maple leaf flag banner up. We started the afternoon with a rousing game of NHLopoly. I would've won if I hadn't have let Hammer cheat and stay in jail in order to avoid the "ticket prices" in Ottawa with the arena built. She won. Lame. Now I know not to be so congenial.

We tagged my car with red car-chalk. Violette (my vehicle) is still proudly rockin' "CANADA DAY '07" on her back windshield.

The roster ended up beign rather full - The whole female contingent of the Maple Leaf Mafia was there (Hammer, VonHammer, Laces and McPhizzle) along with 3 of Hammer's friends and 1 little nugget named Michael - the little 18-mo.-old cutie that totally stole the show.

We all wore "Canadian leis" (aka red mardi-gras beads that left our necks pink - Mike thought I had gotten sunburned when I got home), and most of us were wearing some combination of red, black and white (we let VonHammer slide with the HNIC shirt). We also put temporary tattoos on our faces. When Laces came in she asked, "Can't I put it on my guns?" Your guns?! No, now you HAVE to put it on your face for asking that way.

Before we ate dinner, the Canadian Anthem was sung reverantly at the picnic table.

the Alberta Beef Tenderloin with Gingered Saskatoon Berry Compote was AMAZING!! As was the potato salad (in honour of PEI's 65 varieties of potaoes, of course... Who knew they had that many?! "Is there enough land to grow that many there?" "Maybe a row of each?" "We found a new variety of potato, eh!" "Well, go plant it next to the other 64, eh!").

After dinner, the fun and games began. We took a Canadian History test... We should've studied. lol. Question #15 was "Which part of the US space shuttle was designed by Canadians?" VonHammer was QUITE excited that she knew the answer and when Hammer was reading the correct answers aloud, she shouted at the top of her lungs, "ROBOTIC ARM!!!!!" which we affectionately re-named the CanadArm.

Somehow the topic of Lester B Pearson (14th Prime Minister of Canada) and how he got the nickname "Mike." Apparently "Lester" didn't sound tough enough, so they picked a new name for him. Odd little tidbit there. Apparently Mike is a tough name.

After the quiz, we started playing the "Great Canadian Adventure" board game that Hammer uses as a Friday treat in the Canadian History course she teaches.
  • One of the questions Hammer gave to Laces was, "Who is the Canadian Hockey player who they call The Great One...." we all groaned and rolled our eyes at the easiness, especially since questions to the rest of us were freakin hard...
  • When someone landed on a "Heroes" space, VonHammer shouted, "TERRY FOX!!!!" before her sister could even begin to read the question aloud. Hammer's response? "Great, now I have to choose a new one."
  • To make up for the ease of Laces' queston, the next question posed to me was "WHo was the first Aboriginal head coach in the NHL... I matched VonHammer's intesity yelling, "TED NOLAN!!!!" (and as always, I added, "he's on LonGisland!")
  • Our little nugget got to roll the large, neon pink dice for his mom and dad. He beaned Laces with it once. (a Picture Essay will follow once they are transfered onto my computer from VonHammer's camera)
  • Hammer and I started fighting about how the only reason she won the NHLopoly game was b/c I let her cheat... when our voices had raised to their limit and I ran out of little sister things to say, to end the argument I said, "IT'S A GLITCH!" the laughter and thought of Brad and Vinny stopped the arguing at once.
  • As the questions got harder, Hammer gave us hints... She's a master of disguising names in hints.... here are a couple examples, "It rhymes with Schmick Schmanson" (Rick Hanson), "It rhymes with Meline Sleon" (Celine Dion) and my personal favourite, "It rhymes with Muffalo." (Buffalo)

When we'd been sufficently munched on by the mosquitos, we went inside for a little chatting and so Laces and The Nugget could play a little pick-up game of carpet hockey with the pink hockey sticks I picked up at Target in the Holiest of places, the Dollar Spot. Laces' comment about her opponent, "We're about the same height, so it's ok."

While the game was going on, the father of the Nugget gave us his opinion of hockey, "They serve beer and get in fights. Its a good game."

When he finished telling us about a game he'd been to in Seattle where there were something like 8 fights and 6 were the same guy on Seattle, my comment was, "I bet his name started with a 'Z' and ended with 'ack FitGerald'."

During the conversation about that particular T-Bird, the puck went under the little breakfast nook and behind a scrapbook organizer and it turned into a scrum along the boards at my feet, so i blew the fake whistle, bent down and dropped the puck back on the playing surface. VonHammer's comment, "The Ice Girls got that one."

When it was time for the Nugget to head home, he was QUITE sad to leave the Canadian and hockey goodness. We gave him his first taste of hockey and he's hungry for more!! :) Corrupting young minds. That's what the Maple Leaf Mafia is all about.


(x-posted to Hockey's Ladies of Greatness & Maple Leaf Mafia)

My inner struggle is over! No reason for me to cheer for the Wings anymore!

Todd Bertuzzi says, "It's been real... Quack off, Detroit."

Teaming back up with former Vancouver GM, Brian Burke, Toddball inked a 2-year, $8 Million deal to head from Motor City to my Mecca, the land of Mickey, Anaheim.

Big Guy..... Bad Guy.

My parents Billet for the local WHL team. THis year they had a very talented 6'6" hockey player living with them from Slovakia. Juraj Valach, affectionately refered to as "Big Guy."

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Juraj and McP in happier times...

He wasn't the first Slovak they've had in (the former) Casa McP, but he was the youngest - he was 17 when he arrived and didn't have a drivers license to drive the car the 'rents provide the player living at their house (legal age to drive in Slovakia is 18).

His play deteriorated in the 2nd 1/2 of the season - no one really knows why except for maybe he was homesick? That makes the most sense b/c he picked his play up a little when the team flew his sister over from Slovakia in February/March. (she stayed at my parent's house for two weeks.) After that, with the exception of the game winning goal in OT of game 4 of the 1st round of playoffs, it seemed all he did was take stupid penalties (possibly b/c he wasn't taught how not to) and whine about not getting enough ice time.

So the day of the WHL Euro draft, my parents got a call from Annie Fowler of the TCHerald reguarding the comments Big Guy had made. Here's part of the article resulting from that phone conversation:

"Ams trade Valach to Vancouver, take 2 in import draft
This story was published Thursday, June 28th, 2007

When Bob Tory lost veteran defenseman Matt Swaby in the Edmonton Oil Kings expansion draft June 5, he was confident the Tri-City Americans defensive corps would be solid with the return of Juraj Valach, T.J. Fast, Jarrett Toll, Tyler Schmidt, Eric Mestery and Brock Cornish.

What the Americans general manager did not foresee was Valach not returning to the team. The 6-foot-6, 210-pounder from Slovakia notified Tory earlier this week that he would not return to the Western Hockey League unless he was traded.

So, Tory traded Valach to the Vancouver Giants for their 54th overall pick in Wednesday's Canadian Hockey League Import Draft.

"We had a curveball thown our way," Tory said. "It was surprising and a little shocking. We spent a lot of time developing him. He said he did not enjoy his time in
Tri-Cities and blamed the team for him not being drafted last week (in the NHL entry draft). If he doesn't want to be here, I don't want him in the dressing room. He's not our worry anymore."

Valach's billets, Ma and Pa McP of Kennewick, went to the NHL Draft in Columbus, Ohio, in hopes that Valach would be drafted.

"He told us before he went home in April that if he wasn't drafted he wouldn't come back," said Ma. "He did not like having to make public appearances with the team. He didn't have the community spirit; he came to play hockey. I hope he's happy in Vancouver, but I don't think he will be happy unless he's playing at home (Slovakia)."

SO yeah.... That kid was pampered here in the Tri-Cities. It came out later that he had even fired his agent and gotten a new one, which Bob thinks had a lot to to with the whole thing. Let me weigh in with my opinion of why he didn't get drafted:
note: I am not nor have I ever been affiliated with any NHL team, nor am I a coach/gm/scout.

  • When you aren't willing to buy into the system and be a part of the team, you're not going to put up the numbers/stats that you're capable of.
  • When you aren't willing to learn how to use your large, large body for something other than taking penalties, you're not living up to your potential or taking advantage of the opportunity you have playing in the Canadian Hockey League.
  • Constantly calling the coach an idiot isn't going to make him any easier to get along with. Maybe there's a reason you're riding the pine that doesn't have to do with your playing.
  • Many employers check the myspace of people they're going to hire. I think NHL teams may just do the same thing, it'd be something I'd do to see if the kid was someone I wanted in my organization. If those teams looked at his myspace when I did, they would cross him off the short-list - hell, even the long list - ASAP. I spent an entire day wondering if my parents were living with an anti-semite b/c the whole page was covered in neo-nazi/hitler crap. I emailed him to see wtf was up and he said that the guys in the locker room called him a nazi, so he put all that up trying to fit in. This little Jew was NOT impressed. At all. Tell the other teammates to come talk to my mom or I about the Nazis, the halocaust or the stars-of-david we wear around our neck.
  • Hockey players are the worst gossips of anyone I have ever met in my life. They're worse than high school girls by FAR. This creates a HUGE network of men who talk and talk and talk.... Maybe he forgot that his coach was a part of the Hartford Whalers (80-82), Edmonton Oilers (82-83 with Gretzky and Messier), and the Philadelphia Flyers (85-90). THEN he went on to coach in Seattle fron 94-00 and then for the Philly Phantoms before coming back to the Dub to coach here. That's a shit-ton of contacts, kid. And we all know Donny doesn't hold back on telling people what he really thinks about ANYONE. Think about that.

Don Nachbaur will seem like a kitten compared to Don Hay (who coached here 2 coaches before Schnacks). He will still be expected to be out in the community, he will still have a few asshat teammates who aren't as nice as he'd like and he's not going to have a billet that does EVERYTHING for him like my saint of a Ma did.

I know his comments weren't directed at my family. If he would've been unhappy in the house he could've moved like several other boys did during the season, but it doesn't make his actions any less classless or hurtful. He could've at least done it before the expansion draft so we'd still have Matty.... Ugh... our D... Please, LA, send TJ Fast back to us!!!


Seems kindof insignificant now, but I might as well finish the adventures of Steve and Teri.

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Well, the rents went to cheer super loud when Big Guy got drafted and b/c they hadn't had a vacation without either me or the little bro or both since... well, ever. Long story short, Big GUy didn't get drafted (read my next post for my comments on that sitch) but my parents had a FAB time in Columbus.

Like I said in my first draft day post, they saw Rick Nash, Ken Hitchcock and Pascal Leclaire at a pub before the draft started.

  • All my mom can talk about were all of the little boys who were going around getting everyone's autograph.
  • They got draft shirts for me, dad's bosses and the little hockey boys from the rink, Jackson and Cubby and hats for themselves. I tend to love my parents and their gift buying.
  • Ma was appauled at the Bluejackets Fans for the booing... it didn't sound like any more than normal on TSN, but I guess some of the scouts, etc they were sitting by said that it was worse than they'd ever heard... other than that the hospitality was good though.
  • Dad got a picture of Brian Murray for me... SCHWEET!!!
  • Ma still tears up at the sight of The Great One - even in photos. She's a sap.
  • They went through all the exhibits of the trophies and the new jerseys, etc... Dad got a super cute pic of Ma peaking around the waist manequin. Yes, the waist. Ma McP Is getting close to being pocket-sized at 5'1" (don't let her lie and tell you she's 5' 3 3/4" call her out, she's in denial.)
  • Ma said there were several men there she wanted to club over the head and ship home to me... I'm still wondering why she didn't.
  • They hit an Ohio State sale at the airport, so we all got buckeye gear... It's super cute, but I do have the urge to hum a few bars of the Golden Gopher fight song while I'm wearing it to show my loyalty lol.

I guess that's really all.... the drama comes in the next post when we chronicle the rise and fall of Big Guy.