Dear 8 lb 6 oz Baby Jesus, Please give us beautiful babies!

HOLY HOTNESS, BATMAN!

+ = ♥?

Doing my daily reading of PerezHilton.com, I came across the little tidbit that my girlfriend2.0 (Carrie Underwear - close second to my Xtina) and my HusbandMikeFisher are allegedly a couple. If this is true, Never before has there been a celebrity/hockeyplayer relationship I have endorsed more or as whole-heartedly! And if it's not... Well, It should be!

People who know me know how much I love and respect Mike Fisher for not holding back his beliefs and his giving back to the community that's given him so much. They also know that I feel a kinship with the American Idol winner (and former Miss America Organization Contestant) - not to mention, I want to have her babies... wait, that's not right... but it's true - i could look at her for days - and listen to her sing longer.)

I'm sending the flying monkeys to check on this...

Maybe my mocking quacks were taken as encouragement..

Went to the grocery store after work. Figured that I wasn't going to want to eat a bowl of flour or sugar for dinner. Hammer and I chatted as I was waiting on line to pay, talking about how NBC was completely in LURVE wtih the Ducks, telling the audience pretty much to tune in 3hours later when the Quacks were lifting the cup. Hammer also noted that Pierre was giving handjobs to the Quacks bench between plays. I believe it.

Blog starting late tonight as I may or may not have had to be my own trainer after my thumb was attacked by a knife. There was a lot of blood lost, but I believe we have it stopped and I'll make a full recovery. Of course in the press release we'll just state that it's a hand injury and list me as day-to-day.

1st intermission... Pierre McDouche, who is obviously in love with (my husband) Mike Fisher, interviews him yet again. Hammer comments that we are going to have beautiful children and I inform her of McDouche's intentions to break up our happy home. Hammer's response was, "Pierre is an Asshat. Just incase you didn't know."
"Oh, I totally know, that's why I'm not worried about him stealing my man."

I join you just as Alfredsson scores a goal, making it 1-2... *sigh* That one was touched by an angel... a reward for (my husband)'s good behaviour.

4:16 EFF! Quacks score yet again. Well, knda... that one was scored by Phillips. Damn. It's Schmitty all over again. Lonliest man in Anaheim = Chris Phillips.

3:14 Schubert with the elbow. Way to give up, Schubert. like I just said to Hammer when she commented that the sens may have just effed themselves, "Yup, right in the pooper."

2:22 Alfie looks up at the clock and thinks, "222! Make a wish! I wish for a short-handed goal" It works.

1:32 Hopes up... and just as quickly, back down. The quack's goal goes off of Volchenkov and his shin pads. Neighbor from downstairs has probably never heard the F word screamed so loud so many times from a woman who is home all alone.

19:09 (my husband) roughs up Moen on the boards behind Emery. Me gusta.

16:17 Emery has to save The Keeper of the Brows Wade Redden's bacon. What did Emery do to all these guys? And why are (my husband) Fisher and Alfredsson the only teammates to forgive him.

Goal #5 by the quacks. There's nothing left to say.

14:12 Schubert in the box AGAIN. I'm sick to my stomach.

12:37 O. M. G. Vermette Penalty Shot. How would one say "fuck" in french? Hammer's answer, "fucque yeaux"

7:59 I don't think I've ever wanted to cry when the cup was about to be awarded before. Even in '99 I had the hope all the way up to the winning 'goal.' This is a strange feeling.

7:33 Volchenov takes a penalty. (my husband) is shown wiping his brow. The pain is showing in his eyes already. You have NOTHING to be ashamed about, you beautiful beautiful man.

4:07 Doc says that us Sens fans can take pride in the fact that they had a great year. They really did. Maybe Elgin was their good luck charm...

3:00 Nail. In. Coffin. I stopped the bleeding on my thumb, I can't stop the bleeding in the game. I'm only one nurse.

1:30 Well, if it does end up being Teemu Lightyear's last game, I guess I can't be THAT upset.

I swear to Grezky, if I hear the crowd start to chant, "We will, we will, QUACK YOU!" I will jump off of my veranda, landing face-first on Neighbor's hibachi.

With about 5 mintues left in the game, Hammer asked all of the Maple Leaf Mafia who we thought would win the Conn Smythe... I won the prize for correctly predicting Salt&Pepper Neidermeyer. What's the prize, you may ask? I get to shave his beard.

Buzz hoisting the trophy made me a little misty. I think they should skate it around the rink in the Flying V.

Bryan Burke hoisting the cup. *vomit*

Turns out "I'm Lauren's Bitch" Pronger separated his shoulder in the 1st and kept popping it back in, much like Landon Jones did the whole 2005-2006 WHL season. Then his keeper shows up on the ice with the little Pronger-nuggets and the interview comes to a hault. Hmm.. Imagine that.

The brothers Neidermeyer. That kind of was a tender moment. Brothers that look that much alike with a beard creep me out, though.

I need to put on my Oilers windshirt on and go on a walk to clear my head. Storm Schmorm, I need some fresh air.

DOUBLE DAMNIT!

Ams Trade Mike Kaye to Saskatoon


Mike (left) and Colten wont be able to lean on eachother to keep their heads out of the mud this season.


Ok, TraderBob. I'm for real here. Can't you let the wound of MattyGate at least scab over before you go and trade Mike Kaye?! So he was kind of a band-aid, whatever... he was a playmaker! "Kaye to Yellowhorn and SCORE!" we like that combo. A lot. Especially with that result.

So Overage situation is all but solved, Matty wont get caught in the Overage Gap and end up playing back in the home province like Cole did last year and Mike will be able to live at home with Mom, Dad and his sisters. But what about US?!

I'm declaring right now that TraderBob can make no more moves this week. Also, that the Ottawa Senators HAVE to all play like (my husband) Mike Fisher tonight. That's all there is to it.

In the immortal words of Celine Dion, "Nothing's broken but my heart."

McPhizzle has spoken.

Game 3 jogging blog

Todd Beartuzzi and the Good Luck bear Megan sent me with the lucky CAN penny in his pocket rooting the Sens on in my absence.

Disclaimer: (Mostly to calm Roomie's fears)

I promise I'm not Teddy-obsessed. They were gifts.

After spending all day boating on the mighty Columbia River in the 100 degree (38*C for my metric friends) heat, I decided that the running blog would become a slow jog tonight. I listened to the game on the satelite radio on the boat and am now tucked securely into my bed, watching the DVR'd action.

NHL on NBC... Papa Clement, Mamabear Brett Hull and little Ray Ferraro. It's a damn good thing i like Papa bear and baby bear, because Mamabear makes me want to light my face on fire.

Pierre McGuire interviews (Margee's beloved) Heatley. He can hardly hear the bald man speak over the crowd love. I'd give my little brother's right testicle to be there. What?! He only needs one... and I'm sure his wife wouldn't mind... much...

As a vocalist, and an anthem singer, there's nothing quite like the announcer reminding you that MILLIONS of people are watching/listening/waiting for you to screw up. He did a BEAUTIFUL job on the Star Spangled Banner. It's one of the hardest songs to sing, but he did it at a great tempo and what a moving vibrato! .... And O Canada, is there a more beautiful song than that, the anthem of the Homeland? I submit that there is not.

20:00 Neil and Moen start the game off right. LOVE IT!

19:38 I still can't get over how fast these teams are when they're both at the top of their games and the height of their emotions.

17:58 Emery makes that look so simple. "No biggie, you guys. I do this every day."

16:09 And the first penalty of the game goes to..... The Keeper of the Brows, Wade Redden!

14:21 And the first goal of the game goes to...... The Anaheim Ducks? Traps McDonald? le sigh.

3:50 OTTAWA SCORES!!!! Baby Hailey's Toothless Daddy scores for the Sens. She's their new good luck charm.

1:03... name that squirt. Baby Mario. Sans Mullet.

(insert McPhizzle snoring here... Cut to 8:51PM PST on 03 JUN. Spent the day with Ma and Pa, watching the BEST LONGEST MOVIE EVER, POTC:3 and avoiding anything hockey I could as to not spoil any more of the visual action than nesseccary.)

Mom sent me home with a "Sens Rose" from the rose bush that is taking over the world. It's proudly displayed in my washroom.


1st Intermission. The Golden Child speaks. hard to believe that he's a mite under 20. What was I doing at that age? I was finishing my 2nd year of College and working at Victoria's Secret. That's the same as being the Captain of an NHL team, the league's leading scorer and up for 2 more awards, right?

"There he is, in the drapery, The legend, Don Cherry." OH Papa Clement, how I love thee. I don't know if mainstream America is ready for Don Cherry. I guess we'll find out on Monday when he joins in the NHL on NBC fun!

19:00 Strong start for Ottawa. I'm liking the way this is starting, boys. You're sparking McPhizzle's little heart.

17:56 Spezza and Pahlsson mugging it a little on the boards. You get 'im, Jason! Ooh.. the Tearaway jersey. Hammer's text, "He should just take it all off" makes a lot more sense now.

16:43 McAmmond getting that shot ahead was beauty

16:21 Jersey sharing? I wonder if he got to pick whose sweater he wanted. Or if they asked Eaves. i can see it now, just like sisters, "COACH! he took my jersey and didn't even ASK!!! You love Jason more! I knew it!"

14:40 Perry scores on a Phillips turn over. Sens didn't even realize it had gone in, they're still banging at it.

14:13 Shot from the point gets in past Giguere b/c the Quacks only had 4 skaters on the ice. Way to take advantage of that Volchenkov!

12:22 Getzlaf gets that goal back. Damnit.

10:20 Quick reaction by Giggy to direct the puck into the mesh so he could get a sip of water from his straw.

9:53 Giggy talking about Pronger. "It's nice to have him around." Of course it is. It's always better to have for you rather than against you - no one likes being elbowed in the head.

9:25 McAmmond lost showdown in practice and is now the Juice Boy. Gotta love Mike Comrie giving that bit of info to the media. :)

4:54 Are they really playing circus music behind Speedy!Spezza? Oh, NBC... *sigh*

4:21 The parade to the Penalty box continues as the puck ALMOST goes in the net... Giggy = glad there ar only 4 minutes that he has to stay in net with that brick in his hockey underwear.

3:46 Goal...??? Let's review... Alffie's trying to stop? OH yes. That would be a GOAL.

1:26 Juice boy scores!!! Well, ok, so it was Pronger, but they can't really announce that. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

00:00 Pierre McGuire interviews (my husband) Mike Fisher. The little bruise under his left eye just adds to the love.

2nd Intermission.
MamaBear Hull is back. "That's a bad goal," he says about the Volchenkov goal. No, that was good, the Quacks just can't count - flippers don't work as well for that as fingers and toes do.

Now he's talking about the Alfredsson goal. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP! I can handle Papa Clement and Lil Ferraro, but not "Hully." "This is the Stanley cup finals!" Oh yeah? So was the 'goal' you scored in '99, asshat.

19:24 Schaeffer on the partial break from (my husband) Fisher. Again, a good start. I dig it.

17:57 Pronger lays out McAmmond with an elbow to the face and he hit his head on the ice and then on the boards. Head injuries are scary stuff, skippy. You never want to see someone on the ice like that, no matter which side they're on. NO PENALTY?! Good grief. Ok, so I know he's suspended (text from Hammer earlier today), but COME on.

17:05 Emotions are running high and Ryan Getzlaf tries to make out with (my husband) Mike Fisher, and like the gentleman he is, Mike refuses. Of course Ryan's feelings of frustration after the rejection are to be expected, but is swearing at the nice man who held back when he could've mangled your face really neccessary, Getzy? No, no it's not.

OMGSh! BABY EMERY with the BOXING GLOVES?! I want 3.

15:51 Moen tries to break and Emery flops like the miraculous fish he is to make the save. LURVE. GOALIES.

14:17 May takes a penalty. Great discipline, Quacks.

11:38 Volchenkov with number two on the evening and Goalie Quack gets a little refreshment from his straw.

10:00 This is about the time I got home and turned the game on as I was getting ready to go out to Blinky's show...

8:55 Getzlaf Loves the box AND the "F" word. I think SOMEONE has some pent-up anger about his thinning hair. Displacement isn't healthy, Ryan.

8:01 Has Teemu Lightyear been on the ice at all before now? Or was he hanging out with Woody in the locker room? What a non-presence tonight.

5:25 "I'm Lauren's Bitch" Pronger sits on the bench, showing off that gap-toothed grin. McPhizzle's nostrils flare. Not attractive, but true.

4:31 Traps McDonald revisits the 'bad boy box' for a time out because his muscular shoulders made Emery lose an edge right outside the crease. I should check the scoresheet to see if he got 2:00 for Excessive Creatine.

Well, Sens fans, they're back in it. We'll be back tomorrow night, same bat time, same bat channel.

Game 2 Running Blog

This whole 8pm EST start time is not making this West Coast 9-5'er a very happy girl. Luckily I had Sherry's liveblog to help me get my Sens mojo going before I left the office.

Laughed with Mo on the phone while I cooked dinner went through the drive-thru and drove home. I decided not to start blogging until after I finished my low cal meal.

1:53 OH. MY. GAH. Michael. Fisher. Normally I'm against retalitory penalties, but Ho.Ly. I need to move along...

1:28 Text message recieved from Momma McPhizzle, "Your husband is such a Brute! And so cute when he's mad!"

5:58pm Chris Simpson interviewing Teemu Lightyear. I don't like him with the beard. He should shave it. Because I said so.

6:01pm Text #2 from Ma McP, "Your dad is looking good tonite. Hot is the word, I think!" HA! Well, Ma, now we know how I got here.

6:03pm Dad picks Chris Chelios as his Leader of the year. Good call. He's like a freakin timex... Still tickin.

6:11pm They keep showing Mike's tantrum. I do believe McPhizzle will have to put him to bed when he gets home. ("So THAT'S what the kids are calling it these days.")

10:00 Why aren't people speaking up more about the goaltending in this series? Half-way through the 2nd and they're still tied at 0-0

6:30pm "Wyann Smyff!" He's wearing blue.... Maybe foreshadowing of him re-signing with the Isles? Please?

7:05 Is it wrong that I love watching Emery flop like a fish? Or that I REALLY wish Priessing was still a Shark?

6:18 "Neidermeyer to Neidermeyer" teehee... all i can think of is Knob Hockey.

2:40 Finally back to watching the game after Roomie (who is hopped up on diet pills) called and yapped about her office drama for a good 5 minutes.

0:44.2 the orange Home Depot Power Play flag is REALLY distracting. Why didn't they just make it sparkly?

0:24 Traps McDonald with the hook. He kind of looks like the Dbag I've been playing hard-to-get with over the past year. That makes me like him even less.

6:52pm Papa Clement says he'd give the first star to Emery. FINALLY! THANK YOU!

6:58pm If I hear this Absolut Vodka ad (the one with the muther effing pillow fight riot) one more time, I'm going to beat my TV with a wine and cheese baguette.

6:59pm Welcome to the States - we give more face-time to SnoopDog in a Ducks sweater than the actual game. Apparently Hockey is a G-thing. Makes me thirsty for some Gin and Juice.

18:07 I'm sitting on my bed and yelling "GO GO GO GO!!!" like I'm on the US Women's Olympic Curling team when Roomie walks in. She feels the need to over-exagerate my Minnesota-tinted accent. I tend to love her.

16:37 I. Love. My. Goalie. Ray mudder flinking Emery.

14:34 OH fisticuffs. (Margee's beloved) Heatley and Pahlsson chipping at eachother as they're both trying to leave the ice, a pileup on the boards. I love hockey.

5:44 (Margee's beloved) Heatley turns the puck over and Pahlsson scores. McPhizzle yells, "EXPLITIVE!" and Roomie quietly leaves the room in fear.

3:01 I'm standing next to my bed making incoherant loud noises every time the sens get the puck near Giguere. I'm sure the downstairs neighbors of Casa De McPhizzle are wondering what kind of sexual exploits are going on.

00:00 It's time to clean the bedroom and pop some food in the crock pot while Roomie and I go on our nightly hike around the sub-division. Hopefully I'll be sound asleep by the time (my husband) Mike Fisher gets home. Something tells me he's not going to be in his normal love of a self.

Game 1 running Blog

Wow... fast start... I can't remember seeing hockey this fast... maybe it's the break...

First goal Ottawa! YESSSS!!!! what great persistance to get that in...

The Sens defence is kicking ass. no shots on that first PP for the ducks. i lke it, boys, coach mer says keep it up

Gotta admit, Jiggy is looking pretty good. Damn.

When May was exchanging words with the Sens bench my mom's Fisher quote was, "My mother-in-law is going to eat your liver!"

MacDonald and his traps scored a goal. he can't even raise his arms all the way to celebrate.

Nice clothesline on Comrie, Jackman... this game/series is going to get UGLY... i should've figured with two super physical teams... but that was a stupid penalty

Teemu "Buzz Lightyear" Selanne is looking on top of his game. As much as I'm tooting for the Sens, he catches my eyeballs... he really wants "to go to infinity and beyond."

Ok, boys. 30 seconds left before you can get back into the locker room and pull your heads out of your asses, and come back in the 2nd with the same intensity you had in the 1st 1/2 of the period

(dinner break)

5 on 3... little bit of a disciplinary breakdown, eh, mr ducksworth?

RE: the 5 on 3 & Emery's disappearing act from the crease...
Hammer: I bet Brian Burke just shit a brick.
McP: I hope it hurt
Hammer: LOL No kidding. Asshat.
(insert him moving out of goal)
McP: Check that. I just shit a brick.
Hammer: so did Ray Emery.

Paulsson drives me nuts. i'm sure if he was on a team i liked he'd be one of my favorites, but since he's on the opposing team, i dislike his chippy play with a great intensity.

Hammer: I'm hope Murray and his lisp are on the press conference. "Thisch schaushce isch scho scho."
McP: Haha! Fischer'sch firscht goal was crucschial.

There's gotta be a picture of Mrs. Neidermeyer in the box... those boys have been in there a lot.

Number of bricks now in Emery's hockey underware = 3.

The shout heard round the Ranch when the Quacks scored #3... "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! EEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!" ...... Followed by my mother calling me by my full name. oops.

Pronger wants to make out with Heatly.... Wonder if his wife will make him sit out the next game.

Karma's a bitch, eh, Chris? 19:16 in the box. As Jen said, "Burke having brick diarrhea."

Damnit. Quack quack quack quack, Mr. Ducksworth.

The end.
back to the Sopranos Marathon on A&E.