Friday, June 1, 2007

Paternity...

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Paternity is a foul word in the locker room of any sport, but today, ladies and germs, (much like every day) I'm talking about hockey. It has been scientifically proven that hockey players make the best lovers due to their conditioning and the core strength it takes to play the sport on skates. As we all know, most hockey players take full advantage of the vagina that is being thrown at them from every direction - and really? Who can blame them - well, the young, unmarried players, at least...

I remember a couple times being at the dinner table with my brother and his teammates and saying that puckbunnyX was pregnant - someone's eyes would resemble that of a deer in headlights until I soothed their fear by saying, "No, it's her boyfriend's." Their reaction is perfectly justified. In my town alone we have at least 4 children of pro-hockey players that were concieved while those men were playing juniors (note: that figure doesn't include the 2 NHLers that live here in the off-season with their families).

That all being said, I've had some questions about my reference in my Game 2 entry, where Ma McP and I both referenced my dad. I guess I should give a brief explaination. (WARNING: Daddy issues ahead)

Half of my DNA has never really been a part of my life. Ma McP and I left him when I was a wee tot b/c of substance abuse problems and heck, if she could support the 3 of us, she could sure as shootin' support 2. Both mine and Sister's mom remarried and we have great Step-dads...

So as we (Sister and I) were watching the 2004 All-Star game, we realized that Marky-Mark Messier was old enough to be our father. We also realized that if our dad wasn't going to sack up and be part of our lives, we might as well claim someone that we actually liked and had a REASON to be across the country. Therefore, from that moment on, we claimed Mr. Mark Messier as our (fake)father.

Both of our moms are ok with it, since they don't like our real dad, anyway. I'm sure Mark would be pretty creeped out - as I'm sure anyone who didn't have a sense of humor would be as they read this. However, if you're reading this, Mr. Messier, it really is meant as an honour to you and a HUGE family joke. A father is someone who you can admire and look up to, laugh at their lame jokes and listen to the stories of when he was young and learn from their mistakes. Since we don't have one like that, we take those things from you. Oh, and don't worry, we're both intellegent, beautiful, young women with educations and jobs.

2 comments:

KMS2 said...

Growing up, I always thought that Messier was the creepiest, scariest, and meanest looking hockey player. But then I heard him during some broadcast and totally fell for him. He seems like such an awesome guy and now I understand why the hockey world respects him so much.

McPhizzle said...

His crooked smile had me hooked at a very young age. Plus, who wouldn't love to have an Uncle Wayne?